I just spent the past couple weeks re-vamping my entire website. I got rid of almost everything “Life off the deep end” which was all about my family and our sailing adventures. Instead of celestialnavigationastrology.com being only the services page for the lifeoffthedeepend.com site, I changed it to the url for the whole site. I did it delicately, preserving memories and leaving space for those adventures to remain here. I read through 3 years of blog posts from my old Patreon and Mighty Network and copied them all here.
This is really hard to write and I don’t know if I’m ready to write it, but I’ve always understood that cruisers plans are written in sand at low tide. Sometimes change is inevitable. Sometimes change is regrettable. Sometimes change is unavoidable. Sometimes change is exactly what you need, even if it isn’t what you want.
I know this is going to be a huge shock to so many people (which is a big reason why it’s so hard to come up with words for it, or post it on any of my social media pages) but… my husband and I are divorcing.
I’ve known this man since I was 15 years old. We’ve been married for 21 years. I always thought we could get through anything together, but we can’t, and we aren’t.
I am not okay. I know that divorce is common and I know so many friends who have gone through this, but I truly did not understand the amount of heavy, heavy grief that comes with it. There is also lightness and a sense of freedom and optimism. I’m trying my best to embrace the latter part of this. There’s a lot of trauma I’m working through and I’m hoping that, in time, I’ll be able to help clients through similar trauma.
I have not lived aboard Litha since I got back from my pilgrimage walking the Camino in Spain in September (and holy shit was that ever divine timing. I’ll have to blog about that experience sometime soon). I have the coolest new apartment in a converted haunted old jail in Salem now with a view of the Howard Street Cemetery. I listen to walking tours outside my window telling tourists that it’s haunted. (I haven’t made any ghostly friends yet though, and I have not seen Giles Corey wandering the cemetery at night.) I have giant floor-to-ceiling windows and I’m really looking forward to watching the snow. I can also take long hot showers anytime I want. (Really, after living on a boat for 5 years, this is all freaking amazing. My daughter was hoping for a tub but she definitely loves her shower.)
Also, Litha has been listed for sale. I’m having a hard time with this. The kids are having a hard time with this. My dreams for the future have taken such a 180. I didn’t plan on living aboard forever, but I planned to have her forever… to always have the option to sail away. Reading through old blog posts that were meant to give people living on land a unique perspective as I lived on a boat, was really, really insightful to me reading it years later as I’m living on land again. It was like I was writing to my future self and I didn’t know it. Who knew I was so wise. 😉
2023 has been such a dark storm. I’m ready to leave it behind and look forward to brighter days.
Much love to everyone.